Carousel De' Reality

Words from the heart

This is my world of poetry. Click on the links below to go directly to a poem or just scroll down and enjoy!

 learned something today
with broken wings and end's been frayed
I saw your face today
a color I've never experienced before
and a kid with a face I barely knew

a massive oceanic abyss
tainted black and white, a face I've kissed
I saw something in your eyes I almost missed
a ring of hate in the face I never saw, a boy I barely knew.

repetition is the hearts desire
and you taught me something, more inspired
I'll let you go, boy I never knew
and I wont look back, something I never do.

it settles with me, life's long lessons
and ill always be apart of some big obsession
and when I finally bit that hand from whom which I was fed
I learned I can/t let go of what's left.

there's something there behind that blank slate of yours,
a scar a wound a plate of cures
I'll never forget that face I let go
here's a girls tribute to a boy she won't let herself know.

 

 

 

I lost you, staring there deep into your thoughts,
Left you standing there broken and distraught,
I wish I knew, I wish he knew
The pain and hurt he taught
Never long, never strong enough to find the love he saught.

Broken tangencies
Teeter tottered broken heart
Decease the life in me
I can't stop something I didn't start.

And Im sorry,
For the tears and tattered souls,
Broken nobodies with no where to go,
I have no where to go, no one who knows.

I lost you, staring there deep into your thoughts,
Left you standing there broken and distraught,
I wish I knew, I wish he knew
The pain and hurt he taught
Never long, never strong enough to find the love he saught.

Burn it, desiccate the time and love I lost
Sorry my breaths so short, lifes what love would cost
The emotions were fake and the stars were everything but real
Sorry to you I was nothign but some sex appeal
                  Your heart beats steel
                      Your heart beats steel

I lost you, staring there deep into your thoughts,
Left you standing there broken and distraught,
I wish I knew, I wish he knew
The pain and hurt he taught
Never long, never strong enough and in the end we forgot.

 

 

 

African King

sing in this chorus of hell bound faces
dust in childrens' eyes
watch me fall, into the chorus of death
not such a sinking word
spin on the world with your ballerina toes
dance like an african king
listen to the chorus sing
sing about the pictures life paints
listen and then dance.

 

 

Betrayal of the Fittest

pretty razors drop from the sky
fly high fly high
pretty blood drops drop from my mind
don't cry don't cry
pretty truths get sucked up into their lies
deny and deny
pretty rumors
petty rumors
that fucked up our lives

 

Cancer of the Mind

Some times I feel my tears could fill an ocean,
I've got cancer of the mind, too much emotion;
All of these ups and downs, this going through the motions,
Is harder than it sounds, takes a lot of devotion...

To feel alive and smile,
To paint on that mask and live,
I've got cancer of the mind and I'm trying not to give in.

I decorate my pain in rainbows,
Pretty lies plastered on my face in a smile so noone knows,
One shift in the wind and I'm falling again,
I'm alone in this crowd of people and the world starts to spin...

I try to feel alive and smile,
Paint on a mask and live,
This cancer of the mind makes it hard not to give in.

I'm like a geisha dancing for the masses,
"Come on crazy girl take off your rose colored glasses
Can't you see the world isn't as great as you think?"
But I'll lie to myself and paint glitter on everything.

It's not that hard to feel alive and smile,
Anyone can paint on a mask and live,
This cancer could make anyone want to give in,
I want to give in.

All in all there's a story and it's being unfurled,
Rose colores glasses or not I love this world,
Can you keep hope in the darkest of times?
Well I can and I've got cancer of the mind.

Carousel De' Reality

The teacher's blackboards erase her words;
The pianist's keys music her thoughts away;
Write teacher, write,
Play baby, play.

Every color of the rainbow,
Patches their broken spots,
After the rain;
When the breakdown starts

Must be dreaming,
Oh we must be dreaming,
Sandman's games must be playing,
Oh, the day it but must be fading.

Took all of their lefts, made them write,
Could a day be a day without the night.

No,
        No,
Falling, oh boy they must be falling,
No one but God hears them calling

And a painters touch can be molestation,
If you're not an artist, oh but only if you're not an artist,
Because the world only ends when we fight our hardest

    God pray they don't fight their hardest

The teacher's blackboards erase her words;
The pianist's keys music her thoughts away;
Write teacher, write,
Play baby, play.

 

Eaten Alive

ery now and then this glimpse from the past comes and bites me real hard on the ass,
sometimes I forget that it ever existed
but every now and then it rears it's big green head and it's demonic beady eyes from around the corner,
and tries to eat me alive.

ever felt like you've escaped a life threatening situation just to realize that it still sleeps in the room across from you?
i have,
and i swear sometimes i just wanna pull it's impudent fucking head off and step on it,
step on it the same way it stepped on my dreams,
suffocate it the same way it suffocated me
the same way it still suffocates me.

every now and then this glimpse from the past comes and bites me real hard on the ass,
sometimes I forget that it ever existed
but every now and then it rears it's big green head and it's demonic beady eyes from around the corner,
and tries to eat me alive.

and i swear to fucking god i won't let it eat me alive.

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Grave Yard

This world constantly tortures me and it will till I am no more,
Everyday, the pain it grows as I tightly lock my door,
This loneliness inside of me will do nothing but grow,
So it won't stop till I'm not here, until I'm dead and cold,
This emptiness that I feel will never go away,
There for I can never love because it could never stay,
The one person who can make it stop is no longer here with me,
He ran away with all my heart and destroyed my only dream,
This world does nothing but take away all the things I love,
I give and give but it never seems ever to be enough,
Everyday I lose more and more,
And they get buried in my heart,
I've lost so much that there's no more room,
So I made my own grave yard,
I have a whole other world that's filled with just these awful graves,
They tell a story of how I lived,
Before they went away,
Now this is my story of my long trail of how I lived my life,
Now this is my story,
Of how I was born and how I will eventually die.

Written Year 2002.

Harlot

What the hell am I to do with this lonely mind of mine?
Can you see, can you breathe?
There is pain inside of me.

What the hell am I to do with all this lonely time?
Can this be, can you be
A more simple complex side of me.

What the fuck do you say when you can't catch your breath?
The pain it seeths in me
We're no better than the rest.

How the fuck do you explain the  countless, sleepless nights?
It's a test, I swear it's a test.
So we do our best and do our best.

Wrap up the time, and we'll all build ourselves cacoons
Made of ashes from all these gashes,
I'm still alone when it's me and you.

Wrap up the past and we'll make garlands.
Pretty triquets, can't ya think it?
In this land we are all gods instead of harlots, we are not harlots.

And so I say to myself: "Extraordinary creature!
So close a friend, and yet so remote."
Toss her! Toss her from the boat!

It's just a joke,
A silly silly boat.

Wrap up the past and we'll decorate our new loft.
Garlands for marlins,
Pretty pictures from battles we fought.

Wrap up the time, lost in our new home for good, because
No waiting for time in this rhyme,
Not when it's taken from it's linear line as it should.

How the fuck do you explain the speed of thought in my mind,
What the fuck do you say when they ask if you're okay?

What the hell am I to do with all this lonely time,
What the hell am I to do with this lonely mind of mine?

2011

I Will Write My Own Story

 

And the night rode the starlight through space and time eventually seeping into my halfway open eyes;
giving me life's mysteries' in the form of refracted rays, forever to be burned into the subconscious of my strong mind;

And the angels, they sang the tunes of fate unto the darkness as they were told;
believing someone would hear the music and dance, the heavens knew that my heart would listen;

And I understood the simply chaotic message wound like a spool tightly with gentle precision;
the words of a chosen destiny written with such magnificent beauty;

And I took the angelic truths in mind when through layers of perception my soul whispered discretely into my re-opened ears "do what you must, my love, do what you must";
so I reaped the stardust from the celestial prophecies and with it brought to life my own path in this universe of prefabricated stories.
 
 

 

I am the Witch Hunt

Im a witch, burn me. Witch hunt, witch cunt burn this girl.
              Throw me into the fire, the cleansing flames will consume my blasphemous soul.
Im damned, damned to hell. Melt my skin to my bones, I don't deserve his love.
                                                        Witch hunt, witch cunt burn this girl.
I don't deserve his love. But I deserve his wrath...
                                                                           Witch hunt, witch cunt burn this girl.
I deserve to pay for my sins. For my blasphemous sins.
               Oh God please forgive me. I didn't mean to be chaste.
                                            I didn't mean to be a good person...
                                                            Witch hunt, witch cunt burn this girl.
My conscience is free, my conscience is free.

 

It's Like Riding a Bike

I road a bike, once many years ago,
They say you never forget how;
Drop an infant in water,
They say it’s second nature for them to swim;
 
Surviving is my bicycle,
I learned how to ride long before I could even count;
Misery is the amniotic fluid that gave me life,
Mom threw me in those waters before I could even walk;
 
Oh how I’d like to forget how to ride my bicycle,
Or perhaps unlearn how to swim;
I’d like to fall and not get up,
I’d like to jump in and not resurface;
 
I road a bike, once many years ago,
They say you never forget how;
Drop an infant in water,
They say it’s second nature for them to swim;
 
I want to give up,
I want to give in.
 
Oh how I’d like to forget how to ride my bicycle,
Or perhaps unlearn how to swim;
But they say your never forget how to ride,
And it’s impossible to drown yourself.
 
Surviving is my bicycle,
I learned how to ride long before I could even count;
But maybe just this once I can push myself off,
With the hopes of not getting back up;
 
Misery is the amniotic fluid that gave me life,
Mom threw me in those waters before I could even walk;
But after years and years of swimming,
Surely my body will grow weak enough to sink;
 
I road a bike, once many years ago,
They say you never forget how;
Drop an infant in water,
They say it’s second nature for them to swim;
 
I want to give up,
I want to give in.
 
Misery is the water I innately tread through,
Surviving is the bike I can't forget how to ride;
But maybe one day I'll grow tired enough,
Or perhaps fall... and not survive.

 

Love is a Blindfold

All of the buttons in the world couldn't bring you  back,
From all of the rainbow patches that you body lacks,
Must be breaking down, oh boy we must be breaking down,
All of the plastic fillings in a clown,
Couldn't erase the fear in our eyes,
Can't stop the love that made us blind.

 

Martyr

Melancholy
Arbitrary thoughts
Ravenous emotions
Taking a stand
You will
Remember me.

Masquerade

The night glows through the darkness of the sun,
See the stars, the stars dance bright and merry in the day,
As if they never were there in the first place.

Spin, spin little star through the skies and the night and the day,
Whirl like the leaves on a daylily,
Silly little flower, your life shines so bright.

The rooster crows and the dawn takes one last bow,
Before the day steps in, oh before the day seeps in.

The trees whisper secrets and the children stand still,
The day is here, and the evil masks itself with sequins and pretty cloths,
Hide children, hide.

 

 

My Angel Smiles

 

See my angel as she walks through the halls,
All smiles and nothing more,
She’s lost everything,
Her family,
Her friends,
Her true love,
But still she smiles,

 


My angel smiles,
But your angel frowns,
My angel had nothing.....
But the smile that’s glued to her face,

Everyday she saves a life,
While she destroys her own,
She says “misery surrounds us all,
And keeps us in a bind”,
But she smiles forever lasting,
Living a life of depression,
Agony,
Despair,

My angel smiles,
With her brown eyes and gold blond-ish hair,
See her laugh,
See her smile,
Watch as her face lights up,
You’d never guess what was on her mind,
Was the lost of her one true love,

My angel smiles,
Even though she has no one there to care,
My angel smiles,
As the thoughts of death hang in the air,

You wouldn’t believe the act my angel can put on,
She smiles she laughs,
She fools even her closest friends,

They thought she was fine that she was happy and bliss,
But my angel smiled,
As she lay distraught in a puddle of blood,

And my angel smiled,
Even though she lost her one true love,
“I loved him” she said,
“Truly I did”,
But my angel smiled,
When she was in despair,
Her one true love flew her into the skies...
Where he dropped her in mid air,

“By his side I stood strong,
I gave the world my all,
He was my life my oxygen..... taken,
But still I stand strong and tall”,

My angel smiles,
Even though she’s given all she can,
My angel smiles,
She fools the world,
She fools her family and friends,

Watch my angel as she walks through the halls,
She stands in the middle of a crowd,
Pulls a gun to her head and cocks it back in place,
She smiles with pleading eyes as tears dance cross her face,
She said “It’s all about strength,
And the power to give,
Just to have everything taken away”.

 

Copy Righted 2004 

 

 

Melt

Things only make sense when you don't want them to,
So why would I ever do something silly like give my heart to you?
I'll look into this pool of despair and feel the pangs of desperation,
Then I'll ask myself can you even begin to face him?
Face the emotion that twirls like soft serve ice cream into some deformed cup,
Just like soft serve-a sun can melt your love;
So I'll make up pretty rhymes, and pretend that I'm okay,
I'll serve you gilded lies, and our hearts can melt away.

 

 

My Brain

My brain, my brain.
Oh what can I say about my brain?
 
It's there, it's there,
Not here, its not hear.
 
Hear can you hear?
All the whispers in my ears.
 
This is me, and this is you,
Past mistakes we can't undo.
 
Never say never,
Never say forever. 
 
Oh the chiasmus, beautiful anti-parallelism,
This isn't home, in my brain- this is a prison.

Pandora's Box

Its strange,
This blissful ignorance.
Ignore it, ignore it!
If you dont look its not there,
And youre safe, safe for another day.
And tomorrow is another day.
Today? Will you be here tomorrow?
Tomorrow is another day,
And the world keeps spinning,
And our lives go on despite the pain.
Pandora left hope.

March 25th, midnight 2012 


 
 
 

 
 

 

Rain Drops

rain drops
falling with kaleidoscope colors
visions are flashing
feel the arrow pierce my eye

your face are the arrows
penetrating my site
vivid with emotion

feel your cheek swiftly brisk mine
lashes cross and break
lips don't touch
they [almost] never do

hold my hand
watch my fingers slip away
come here
come here and stop walking

run, run with me
somewhere with no pain
i can't wait to show you
show you the truth you couldn't see..

hug me
watch the cameras spin
around our perfect picture
at lastly touch and soul's are unconisous

shine another lght down
shine another light down
on this perfect picture
that hasn't even begun.

 

 

Surviving the Cruelties of this World 

 

 Imagine the difference that could have been made.

 

See the mistakes that will haunt our graves;

Crystaline memories fragile and close to our hearts.

Rewind the time and watch our clueless faces,

Ever the grimmest of times were happiness. 

And all the days just ran together,

Making the light dimmer and dimmer.

 

Always and forever,

Till death do us part.

 

Never say never, they say;

Ignition of the fire in our souls;

Gleeful inabilies wrecking our lives,

How does anyone survive?

Tell me how does anyone survive?

 

-for all the Me's inside of Me 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snowfall

close your eyes
be something other then awake
learn to make the hairs on your body stand
run through the forest and be large
life lives on through you
prize that journey you never took and watch the sky;
with your bright green eyes, made earthly with the trees
don't stop diging
live free
don't kiss me just yet
wait till the snow falls.

 

 

SOCIOPATHic Tendacies

 

 

Sleeping Heathen

can you see the tear of a child through the twinkling of an eye,
look out a window and listen to an infant bird as it flys;
sore pain with its flock and heal hearts with its dead,
fill streams with their blood so blue lacking red;
to whom do they sing when the sun turns to dark,
an angeless wing, a voiceless, blind, and mute lark;

with tears in their eyes and fate in their souls,
in the blistering heat their wealth turns to coal;
the soundless spring where hearts are so pure,
its bitter as winter, ethereal and her;
fragile with sin, she lights with the touch,
another person so soft, so innocent as such;

rain and its patter, woes songs sign so sweet,
this child accursed, found but so meek;
"i'll sleep" she says, "and never wake up"
"until it's okay to be heathen, and finally be loved"
black as the tar and light at the heavens,
smite a sleeping heathen, blasphemous reverend;

she dreams and she sees the birds as they fly,
wings once like hers, now pass her by;
what beautiful colors enchant this rainbow,
awaiting their piece, waiting in know;
cruel winding road, blister her feathers,
she sleeps forever, she sleeps forever.

 

 

Sweet Surrender

No forgiving without forgetting,
The bastard hands that I betrayed;
It makes no difference the tears I've been shedding,
No sweet surrender he'd first see me in my grave-
 
Scooped me up and drove me around,
Chaos in my ears overwhelmed the lack of sound,
He said "there is a choice that needs to be made",
"I'm wrecking this car you sit here, and you stay"
 
No forgiving without forgetting,
The bastard hands that I betrayed;
It makes no difference the tears I've been shedding,
No sweet surrender he'd first see me in my grave-
 
No difference in the pain, I deserve it so he says,
What a bittersweet surprise for him, when he grabbed me by the head,
In these eyes it was obvious, he loved to see me bleed,
He finally saw my lack perfection, and there are consequences for me.
 
It makes no difference one would suppose,
An eye for an eye is what I'm told,
Either way I was barely ever alive, right?
Let the darkness embrace me with its sweet cloak of night.
 
No forgiving without forgetting,
The bastard hands that I betrayed;
It makes no difference the tears I've been shedding,
No sweet surrender he'd first see me in my grave-
 
Bruises, busted lips, dislocated bones,
Those hands around my neck, I'm not perfect- and now he knows
Cannot change the past, so he will change the future,
It's his choice to sow up my open wounds with salted sutures.
 
Strawberry, strawberry, strawberry gashes,
To bleed like him he slashes and slashes,
Never ask for much, and not often, not at all,
Please forgive and forget, don't watch me as I fall.
 
No forgiving without forgetting,
The bastard hands that I betrayed;
It makes no difference the tears I've been shedding,
No sweet surrender he'd first see me in my grave-
 
There are personal connections that some people can't live without,
The consequence of imperfection, he'll make me bleed while he shouts,
There is no need for it to be like this, either there is trust or there is not,
An old and dear connection, he wants it severed, its the revenge he sought.
 
There is no revenge in love, at least there shouldn't be,
His sharp words drive me to the edge, to my world of fantasy,
Cannot cope with a life like this, cannot see past the pain,
It was hard before the imperfection and now I've made a mistake.
 
No forgiving without forgetting,
The bastard hands that I betrayed;
It makes no difference the tears I've been shedding,
No sweet surrender he'd first see me in my grave-
 
Couldn't bear to hear the words, the mocking of my pain,
Even before the imperfection to him this sickness wasn't sane,
And now he has control over my heart strings and my soul,
I have scissors but I'd rather hurt myself then let myself go.
 
Broken lives, broken lies, at least I told the truth,
This is harder for me, than it will ever be for you,
You are poison, poison in my veins,
And I am addicted, addicted to the pain.
 
No forgiving without forgetting,
The bastard hands that I betrayed;
It makes no difference the tears I've been shedding,
No sweet surrender he'd first see me in my grave-
 
Scooped me up and drove me around,
Screamed "I fucking hate you I'm going to end this- now",
He said "there is a choice that needs to be made",
"I'm wrecking this car you sit here, and you stay"
 
I prayed for sweet surrender, but it never came.♥

Think of Me When You See the Stars <333

Let’s just leave it up to fate
Not coming home we’ve already came;
Let’s just leave it up to fate
Could never hate, never hate the monster.

Please forgive us for our trespasses;
Never meant to be the shame,
The unsacred bond of love,
Not coming home we’ve already came.

Let’s just leave it up to fate,
My apologies: can’t hate the monster, can’t hate;
Please leave it up to fate,
There is no home without faith.

To His Chagrin

The moonlight is pale on my skin, like his touch, I gently soak it in; all while
The sun, whispering his sweet nothings, tries to turn his unrequited love into something,
Reach out to me; touch, oh my favourite and lunar love,
The color of your existence, matches my persistence; your
Hands and your mouth, as sweet 1bête noire pours out,
But the look in your eyes, show that true love never dies.

 

Oh and that the stars might align, perhaps the fates will and could divine; but
Keep your mask of odds, love sees through the façade,
Though might you think of someone else, in dreams I’ll be the one who’s felt; and
If your odds come crashing down, the shattered mask will 2ne’er be found, because
Love once thought that love could fool, but disremembered the illustrious shine of his jewel.

 And so the universe abound, at last loves listless streaming clouds; could
You, would you, attune to hue; timeless dreams all come undo,
Walk and talk, and dance and sing, lies be useless when love’s true unfault is remembering,
Love but colors our favorite tunes, something the deaf even couldn’t lose; so
Take your words and eat your thoughts, I ne’er let go, and I ne’er forgot.

-------------------------------------------------------

-1 a person especially disliked or dreaded.
-2 never

 

 

Your Realities Are False and Based on Wishful Pretenses

Look at me I live in fairy tale land
Where books and novels aren't just real with Sandman's sand
I can't cope with the boundries of societies plans
All these unrealities just play out of hand.

Youre living youre living, in a world of reality
But to me it's make believe, to me it's make believe
They couldn't compare to the realness in my novel novelties.

Can you compare, can you compare
To the indifferent opinions that story books share?
Can you comprehend, around it can your mind bend
The reality that your realities are more fake then my story book trends?

-Your realities are false and based on wishful pretenses